Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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