got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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