So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
