Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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