Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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