hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
