I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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