I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
