Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
FUCK WHALES
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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