I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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