I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
