im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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