So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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