Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Houston, we have a squirter
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
