The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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