I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize