Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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