Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
