i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need moral support for this bender
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
