i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
