You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
