dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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