Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
