he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
