did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
