He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
