somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
