if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
