omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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