No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
wow bdsm is so cute
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
