I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
