Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
