It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
