I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
