dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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