She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
