I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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