She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
