in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
