Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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