please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
