i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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