When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
