After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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