Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
