After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
