it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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