just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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