I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
