oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
