I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
