she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He better not be in your backpack
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
