Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize