i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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