We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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