I CAN MOONWALK!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
