Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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