playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
