my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
