My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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