i'm signing you up for texting rehab
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
