After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
