is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
