I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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