somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
