God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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