oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there was a trapeze. enough said
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
