If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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