Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
