let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
