I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Of course I have a pirate flag
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
