i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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