grandma shit on top of the toilet
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
