The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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