He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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