i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
