Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saw his package. It spoke to me.

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(443): View more from Maryland

a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?

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(914): View more from New York

i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

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These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Read it at the TFLN blog
(951): View more from California

I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.

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(707): View more from California

And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick

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