just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going