So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
two words...techno handjob
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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