you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector